Last week my friend Kathy asked her readers, what has helped you choose joy in your life? My response was centered on our two miscarriages and how that brought me a deeper appreciation for the children that I have. October is infant loss awareness month and on days like today the loss seems so recent, the pain still stings, and the remembrance of the days that felt like they went on forever seem so fresh in my mind. And I am learning that days like today are good. Days when I remember the pain and fear and frustration. A time in my life when I would cry out to the Lord in desperation for another child. And after the second loss, running home to squeeze Emily so tight and feeling so blessed to even be able to have this one child, the only one (i thought at the time) that I may ever be able to have.
You see, yesterday afternoon 'mean mommy' came out to rear her ugly head. Tired, head cold, overwhelmed mommy snipped at every little request and I'm quite sure I squashed some eager hearts just wanting to play. How quickly I forget just how privileged I am to have these three blessings! How quickly I can lose focus and become overwhelmed and lose my JOY!
Days like today I have learned to treasure. It may hurt a little to remember the loss but thank you Lord for bringing me back to my knees, for bringing me back to the pain, for the remembrance of what a JOY this life is. Thank you for allowing the trial in my life to bring me a greater appreciation and love for the children I have.
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